Domestic violence refers to a continuum of abusive behavior:
Domestic violence is committed against a person by a partner, relative, or other person well known to the victim. The primary motivation for domestic violence is to establish and maintain power and control over a partner.
Keep in mind, as of July 2000, Arizona's domestic violence laws have been amended to encompass same-sex victims of domestic violence. LGBT victims are entitled to receive the same protection as opposite-sex victims of domestic violence.
MYTH: Abuse/battering that occurs in LGBT relationships is usually mutual.
FACT: "Mutual abuse" is actually rare. Domestic violence is characterized by a cycle of violence that includes control and domination by one partner over the other. The fact that victims sometimes fight back should not be mistaken for mutual abuse.
MYTH: GLBT domestic violence is actually sexual behavior, a version of S/M. The victims actually like the abuse and agree to it.
FACT: Domestic violence is not sexual behavior. In S/M relationships, there is a consensual contract or agreement about the limits and boundaries of the behavior, even when paid is involved. Domestic violence involves no such consent or contract. Domestic violence is abuse, manipulation and control that is not wanted by the victim.
MYTH: When there is abuse in the family, all members of the family are participating in the dynamic, and therefore all must change for the abuse to stop.
FACT: Only the perpetrator has the ability and responsibility to stop the abuse by seeking help. Battering is a behavioral choice. Many victims make numerous changes in their behavior in the hope that this will stop the abuse. This does not work.
MYTH: Victims exaggerate the level of abuse. If it was really that bad, they would leave.
FACT: Most victims actually minimize the abuse because of self-blame, guilt or shame. Victims considering leaving their abusers are faced with the very real possibility of continued threats and harassment, severe physical injury and even death. Domestic violence is the only crime in which the victim, in order to escape the dangers, has to leave home, friends, family, economic security, pets, belongings and sometimes the city behind for a safer, more peaceful life.
MYTH: People consistently place responsibility for violence and abuse on the perpetrator.
FACT: Most people blame the victim of domestic violence for the crime, some without realizing it. They expect the victim to stop the violence and repeatedly analyze their motivations for not leaving, rather than questioning why the abuser continues the abuse, and why the community tolerates and allows it.
MYTH: Drinking, stress and poor impulse control cause domestic violence.
FACT: Abusers use drinking/drug abuse, as one of the many excuses for violence, and as a way of putting responsibility for their behavior elsewhere. Stopping the drinking /drug use, will not end the abuse. Many people under stress do not batter or abuse. Perpetrators who are stressed at work do not assault their co-workers or bosses because of the consequences their actions might bring. Victims are usually abused in private, and when beaten, are often hit on parts of their bodies where bruises will not show.
